Time, Value and Opportunity

It was about 2 years ago that I last did a thorough evaluation on my market value and career opportunities, relative to my experience and skill set.  At the time, I was woefully underpaid (as compared to average national market value for what I do), and upon realizing this, went about preparing an argument to request a raise – after all, I was an incredible bargain.  And then it got weird.  Totally unprompted – almost magically, even – I was called in to my manager’s office, given a pep talk about my worth, along with a raise and a promotion.  And while this didn’t necessarily align me with my market value, there is something to be said for loyalty both on my and my employer’s part.

One of the key factors that drove my decision to evaluate my career at that point was my experience level.  At just over 2 years in, I had surpassed the restrictive “entry level” barrier and crossed into that oh-so-wonderful “experienced/non-manager” territory, and that’s a pretty massive step, in terms of responsibility, pay scale and the like.  And now here I sit, two years later, in an almost identical situation – evaluating my market value and opportunities.  And while some might scoff at the notion, given the economic downturn of the Country, I think they’d be surprised at the potential out there, for those with the right skill set.

So, I’ve begun looking at opportunities again, and I’m very pleased with what’s out there – if I wait for the right opportunity, I could double my salary!  So long as I’m open to relocation throughout most of the Country (I most definitely am), its almost as if there isn’t a recession going on, and this is especially true of the energy and IT/software/web fields.  It feels dirty looking for work while still securely employed, because I’m loyal to my employer because they’ve been loyal to me, and its a great place to work.  That said, business is business, and I’m sure part of my infatuation with working here has to do with it being my first white-collar job (its easy to be impressed by free coffee and paid time off after delivering pizza in college).

Despite the recession and otherwise shaky economy, there are opportunities out there.  Its time to find them, and realize my potential.

B is Back to Blogging

Over the last month, I stopped blogging.  I suppose it was sort of an experiment of sorts, in that I started blogging as nothing more than an online journal that helped me vent or whatever, and also kept friends and family up to date on random goings-on in my life.  When I stopped, I guess it was to find out if there was any value in it, from the viewpoint of whether or not it made me feel better.  As it turns out, it is helpful in getting things off my chest or simply to keep a log of what’s going on in my own life.

While on my hiatus, I wondered if blogging was a narcissistic act, and whether or not it mattered whether it was or not.  I think that yes, it can be narcissistic if you have expectations for your blog or journal or whatever, but if you’ve got no expectations, blogging is no more narcissistic than a diary – that is, not much, if at all.  That said, I’m a narcissistic person, so it doesn’t much matter, does it?

Death is in the Air

With the passing of Sebastian, as well as the recent anniversaries of the passing of Carrie’s Grandmother (“Mamaw”) and my Grandfather, it shouldn’t come as too much of surprise to hear about this now, though it did happen July 28th.

Erin Grace (Bradsberry) Domagalski, 28, a former resident of Houghton and presently of Farmington Hills, passed away Monday morning, July 28, 2008, from injuries received in an automobile accident in Livonia, Mich.

Obituary link

My college friends will no doubt remember my ex, Erin.  I mean, how could anyone forget a psychopath of that magnitude? 

All joking aside, this is shocking.  While there’s certainly no longer any attachment in the romantic sense, there’s obviously the attachment of knowing (or, rather, having known) someone pretty well, and the shock that comes when they die so suddenly and unexpectedly, and at such a young age.  And, of course, there’s the very real and very sad fact that she’s leaving 2 kids behind.

I suppose this should serve as a reminder that life is precious, fragile and sometimes incredibly short.  You just never know when something could happen of this magnitude to those that you’re close to.  This is the second person from the college era that has died, and that’s shitty, considering how young we still are.

I’m thankful that my close friends, new and old, are still here, and still in my life to varying degrees, though I simultaneously feel a sense of guilt that its often so easy to take that for granted.

Life’s short – don’t fuck around.

It’s Time

I wrote a while back about Sebastian’s illness, and how weighing the situation is both difficult and emotional.  For about 2 months now, we’ve been pureeing his food, with Carrie sometimes hand-feeding him from a spoon.  And up until very recently, his life has been decidedly more good than bad.

A few days ago, things changed for the worse.  He hasn’t eaten in over 4 days, and has been sleeping non-stop for 3.  Its fairly clear that he’s no longer doing anything except dying, and while its incredibly difficult for us, we know that its time to say goodbye.

Surprisingly (given that he’s a complete…  pussy), he’s been a trooper throughout all this.  Despite the incredible tooth and mouth pain he’s endured, and almost never being nourished in recent months, he’s maintained an upbeat attitude.  Up until this recent turn, he’s been playful, affectionate and basically himself, all things considered.

And really, that’s probably why this is so much harder than anticipated.  I think I expected a more gradual decline, though there’s no doubt that this is the better outcome.  Watching him suffer as much as he has is far better than a more prolonged decline, and we’re grateful that the latter part of his life won’t be more bad than good.

As I said just over a month ago, its important to maintain perspective.  Though now, its so much more difficult than even I had anticipated.  Its probably because I’m almost as much a pussy as he is.  Almost. 

We’re glad that we were able to give him a chance at life that he wouldn’t have had otherwise, even if it was only a few years in total.  And pardon the cliché, but he will be missed.

Thoughts for Thursday

• Thank you Jeebus that the debates are finally over.  Getting to sleep at 11, when you have to wake up before 5, is fun like herpes.
• The pro-McCain people at the office are amusing.  Rather than engage others, they’ve resorted to a sort of support group, where they get together in the morning and make fun of Obama.  Hey, it beats talking about the issues, when you’re supporting a candidate who doesn’t give a shit about said issues.
• Getting through today without drinking massive amounts of coffee would be an accomplishment that would make getting to the moon seem elementary by comparison.
• Is it Friday yet?

Playing Kitty God

When I was originally asked to adopt Sebastian, it was pretty clear what the deal was – he likely  had FLV, and if he wasn’t adopted by someone, he was going to have to be put to sleep.  And since he was relatively healthy at the time, it was a no-brainer.  Fast-forward two and a half years, and things have changed.  While he’s certainly enjoyed infinitely more life and happiness than he otherwise would have, its obvious that things are deteriorating rather quickly.

As a result of the FLV, his gums are infected, which makes it impossible to eat “solid” food.  For a few weeks now we’ve had to use a blender to essentially puree his food so that he can, more or less, drink it.  It mostly works, but there are almost daily occurrences of him experiencing rather intense mouth pain that results in a very discomforting shriek of sorts.  In fact, he can barely “meow” without flinching in pain.  And anyone familiar with cats knows that they have a very high pain tolerance.  Needless to say, its been rough, both for him and us.

The most difficult part, I think, is trying to weigh or balance the good and bad.  That is, I don’t feel its “his time” until his life is more shitty than awesome, and so far, we’re not there yet.  He still enjoys hanging out, gettin’ Mommy & Daddy love, using his scratch post and so on, so its clear that he’s not ready to go quite yet.  At the same time, we can see the end approaching, and that’s tough to deal with.  Again, its more because we know its going to get much worse first, and its already heart-wrenching to see his life deteriorate.

My biggest concern is that our emotions will play a larger role than will our pragmatism.  Its difficult to separate our pain from his, in the sense that we hate seeing him suffer unnecessarily.  I’ve long come to terms with the fact that his life will be incredibly short (and that the end is near), and I’m just glad that I was able to grant him a stay of execution, or rather, a stay of euthanization.

Its important to maintain that perspective, and increasingly so as time goes on.

B: An Update

Just a quick update…

• Had an awesome weeklong vacation last week, details and pics forthcoming.
• Work is slow, but have had some calls about opportunities, none awesome so far.
• Live Mesh is fucking awesome.  I’m able to perform mundane, time-consuming PC maintenance (not to mention file sync/transfers) on my home desktop from my workstation at the office.
• McCain sucks my balls… Palin can suck his balls.

Change, Transition and the Future

With the way the auto industry is suffering, and changing, I’m not particularly surprised that I’ve seen a temporary (*crosses fingers*) reduction in my hours from 50 to 40.  Even so, since finding out last week I haven’t been very concerned about my overall job security, but over the last few days I’ve been contemplating this whole “career” thing a little further.  And after beginning the process of updating my resume at Monster (which I should always be doing… yeah, I know, I know), I’ve been hit with a good number of responses, and surprisingly, the majority of them are not recruiters.

The response has given me pause for a couple of reasons.  First, if simply doing only a partial update to my resume warrants such a response, imagine what a complete update would provide.  Imagine if I were to completely update my resume everywhere else it exists, not just Monster.  And second, its pretty amazing the change in response one gets after having over 3 years of experience, as opposed to 1 or 2.  I remember when I was job hunting during my second year, noticing how there was a significant barrier there, where all the “good” jobs required 2 or 3-plus years of experience.

All of this makes me wonder what might lie ahead on the career front.  I’ve grown quite comfortable where I work now, but there are definitely areas where I don’t feel fulfilled, or like I’m presented with enough opportunity to learn and grow as an engineer and a professional.  That’s bothersome, to say the least.  And at the same time, working 8-hour days is very nice, and something I could totally get used to.  The trick is to find a job where I can pull down what I was at 50-hour weeks, and do it in 40 hours.

And that’s the biggest thing, I think.  Even after just one day back at 8 hours, it became incredibly evident to me that all that overtime pay isn’t really worth the tradeoff of giving up my time.  I think its time to see what my options are.

Tough Times

For well over a year now, I’ve had the luxury of having access to 10 hours of overtime every week, and I’ve taken nearly all of it.  But with the recent and severe downturn of our industry, it seemed inevitable that this gravy train would have to reach the station sooner or later.  Well, the conductor just announced our next stop, and its just ahead.

Starting on Monday, I’m back to “measly” 40-hour weeks.  I suppose, in a sense, its both a curse and a blessing.  Its temporary, as there’s plenty of work for me on the horizon, but that work is dependent on getting stuff from our colleagues in France, and France essentially doesn’t go to work in the month of August.  So, as summer heads to it’s close, I’ll actually be enjoying the extra time, rather than lamenting the loss of the extra cash.  I’ll have more time to spend with Carrie, as well as tackle a number of other projects that need my attention.

The crazy part, to me, is that its going to feel quite odd getting home at 3:00, as opposed to 5:00 as I do now.  I’ve taken a few “early” days here & there during this OT run, and its amazing what those 2 hours can do for one’s spare time in the evenings.  I hope to make the best of it, while it lasts.

B Needs Sleep

For what seems like months now, but in reality is probably more like a few weeks, I’ve had a recurring issue with not sleeping through the night.  Without fail, I wake up 2 to 4 (and sometimes, though rarely, more) times a night, and while I fall back asleep within a matter of minutes, its still extremely exhausting.  Given how I’ve been feeling as a result, I liken a 2 minute interruption of my sleep to about 15 minutes of lost sleep.  So, if I wake up 3 times a night, that’s akin to going to bed 45 minutes later, which is a lot.  If that happens 5 nights during the week – which has been the case this week – that’s a loss of 3 hours and 45 minutes.  Not cool.

I’ve been proactive about the situation, ensuring I avoid caffeine in the afternoon, getting exercise 3 times a week, making sure its not too warm in the bedroom, not falling asleep to the TV and even taking a shower before bed.  None of this has helped.  Last night was the closest I came to a normal night of sleep, and that’s only because I was already dangerously exhausted before going to sleep 2 hours after my bedtime as a result of playing softball until almost 9.  Even so, I didn’t sleep through the night.

I’m not particularly stressed out, either.  Well, as this shitty sleep streak builds, I’m becoming more and more distressed, but its not like I’m lying awake at night worrying about getting sleep.  On the contrary, falling asleep is not generally a problem.  Its just that I can’t stay asleep.  And this shit is getting old, fast.  My productivity at work is suffering somewhat as a result, and that really bothers me.  This is especially true now, as I’ve got two deadline-intensive projects cooking that require a considerable amount of “busy work”, and I just don’t have the focus and energy that I need.  I mean, I’ll get it all done, but its a daily struggle, to say the least.

And what’s more is that I have stuff that needs attention at home.  Completing the fence rebuild is a high-priority, simply because I need to get that finished before the snow hits.  I’m thinking that I’ll knock out half of that project over the next two weekends, and save the rest for mid-to-late September, when it will be cooler and I’ll have more time.  And hopefully by that time, which will be after our much-needed weeklong vacation, I’ll be sleeping better, and as a result, more rested (and less likely to cut an appendage off).

This weekend should be interesting.  We don’t have anything major going on, but I do have a few personal goals in mind.  I have to try to watch Nixon again (the disc was “dirty” when I tried last weekend, so I watched Platoon via On Demand instead, without attempting to clean the disc first), so that’s 4 hours gone.  And we have to start preparing for our camping trip.  You know you’re “old” when you begin preparing for a trip 4 weeks out.    But really, its necessary.  If nothing else, we have to set the tent up in the back yard and label all the poles and what-not, since the instructions are MIA.  Last year’s camping trip saw us struggling to get that damned thing up as it was getting dark, and I don’t want a repeat of that shit.  Ugh.

But, if nothing else, I just want to get one fucking night of uninterrupted sleep.  Stay tuned…